We see these angry people on TV all the time. The husband and wife, arguing
while they're washing dishes, who end up smashing plates full of food all over the
kitchen. The angry teenager screaming “I hate you!” at his parents while he
smashes his cell phone into the wall and then runs to his room and slams the
door. Even young children get into the act, stomping on toys and throwing
tantrums left and right. And then someone usually says something funny, the
audience laughs, and the whole incident is forgotten.
Unlike TV, though, the things they say to you are not funny. They're often very
hurtful, things that they would never consider saying if they weren't so angry.
Things that they apologize for later, but that can never be taken back or forgotten.
Their actions aren't funny, either. Breaking plates and destroying property shows
a lack of respect, not an appreciation of comedy. In fact, a lot of times, their
actions are threatening. Imagine what that toddler in the doorway must really feel. I doubt she's laughing at all the fun mommy and daddy are having. More
likely, she's frightened, which means she feels threatened.
We see these angry people every day and we tend to shy away from them.
There's no telling what will set them off and we certainly don't want to be around
the next time their violent temper erupts. But what if these angry people are
right in your house? What if you can't get away from them? Worse yet, what if
the angry person is YOU and you just don't realize it? What if YOU are the reason
your entire household is always so upset and everyone you love is angry
Too often we look for scapegoats, we look to others to blame for our bad choices
because it’s difficult to accept that we ourselves may be the problem. The way I
look at it, when the same issues continue to arise, when you often find yourself at
the center of turmoil in your personal and professional life and you always arrive
at the same outcome, for example your co-workers keep their distance from you
and you find the same is true at home and your spouse and family do the same
thing then perhaps the problem isn’t purely coincidental. If you find that you keep
getting the same outcomes and reactions from people in your life, then it could be
you. It’s what you’re doing that you’re not aware of.
This should be a wake up call that you need to change. The sooner you can recognize this in yourself and that you need to change, the quicker you’ll have your life back on track.
Just remember, if you keep getting the same reactions from people in regards to
your behavior then you need to take a good long look at yourself and change
some things. Wake up and observe other’s reactions to you, why do they treat
you in a certain way?, what is it you are doing for people to treat you in this
manner? Observe not only what you say to others but how you say it and how
they react in response. You might find that you come across angry or have an
aggressive tone when you speak without even realizing it.
ASK YOURSELF THESE QUESTIONS
1. Are you frequently angry? Not just disgruntled or negative. But angry to
the point that you can feel yourself getting red in the face, you can feel your
blood pressure rising, and you want to strike out at something or someone.
2. Does your anger last for long periods of time? If your child spills his milk at
breakfast are you still yelling at him about it when you pick him up from
3. When your boss makes you angry, do you take it out on your family at
dinner that night?
4. Does the least little thing set you off? Do you get angry when the paperboy
misses your porch and the paper lands in the driveway instead? Do you
allow trivial things that should have no effect on your life to make you
5. Do you find yourself always on the defensive? When someone points out to
you that your shoe is untied it's not a criticism, it's an observation. People
who have anger issues constantly feel they are being criticized and they
become angrier because they feel they need to defend themselves.
6. Do you allow anger to control your life? Do you miss out on enjoying your
time with your family because you're just too angry about what happened at
work today? Is your job performance suffering because all you can
concentrate on is what you should have said during your performance
7. Do you use your anger to help you get through life? Do you have to adopt
an “I'll show HIM” attitude before you give your boss your best effort? Do
you only try your best so you can prove someone wrong?
8. Is your anger too intense? Does your anger feel more like rage, to the point
where you can't control it, the point where you couldn't stop being angry
now no matter how hard you try?
9. Do you become aggressive and violent when you're angry? Are you the one
smashing dishes and cell phones? Do you strike out at others when you're
angry – either physically or verbally?
You may have purchased this guide in an effort to help you deal with an anger
issue that's going on in your own home or your own life. And there may very well
be a person in your life that has a problem with anger management. If that's the
case, then this guide will help you learn to deal with those people.
But if you answered yes to any of the above question, then you may have an
anger problem, too. That's not to say that you are causing the anger problems of
those around you or that you are even the cause of any anger problem. But
somewhere along the line, you have been affected by anger, just like that toddler
in the doorway. Somewhere along the line, you were taught that it's OK to
express your anger in any way you see fit. In fact, you may even think it's
necessary to become violently angry because somewhere along the line, someone